between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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