I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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