Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
