Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
