So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
