I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
