the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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