so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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