she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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