so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
