I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
