jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
