She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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