so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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