My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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