Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
