I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
