This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize