Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
