Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
