I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
soo... how was my night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
