Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
