i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
