I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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