At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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