VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
