I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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