I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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