I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
