Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
