If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
