Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
