yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
