I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
