The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
