i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
