I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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