So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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