I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
