My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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