HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
