FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
worst night to have a conscience
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
