i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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