actually, I'm a sock model
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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