Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
