worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
