I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I did not marry a roomba.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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