Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize