If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
