I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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