Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
