What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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