idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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