thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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