Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
