Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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