dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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