3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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