the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
