my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
